you will never walk alone.
this is a project about teenagers from Húsavik - a little fisherman town in the north of Iceland. At the very end of winter, I was there for a period of two months, and decided that I wanted to get to know them and document their lives.
In the first week I was in a pizza party at Ruth's place - the first girl I've photographed. She is taller than me, knows how to bake pizza and always put the receipts on snapchat.
I've never felt so nervous. My hands were sweating and my heart pounding. I felt I just moved into a new school at the middle of the year and someone throwed me in a party where I didn't knew anyone.
I asked them stupid questions. I forgot I was there to photograph and just wanted those girls to like me. I forgot they were 16 and I was 26.
In the following weeks I met more kids. There is not much going on in Húsavik. You never get lost and all the streets take you to the same place. The wind cuts your face as if it was solid glass.
Once the snow starts to melt and you feel the heat of the sun behind your neck, another blizzard arrives and you get locked home - even though its already May.
The windows are big, the houses and streets are simetric.
It never gets dark. By 2am a weird tone of blue takes over the sky and it feels like a bad dream.
Húsavik is surrounded by mountains that are more blue than the water from the ocean. There is a small gas station where people go for burgers and hot dogs. There is a swimming pool and a hot pot. Strangers smile at me on the street - it's a icelandic thing I've heard.
When the kids get bored they drive around. It reminds me my hometown in Brazil. We used to go for a drive as well. We are the same people.
I go inside their bedrooms and take their portraits. We talk about dinosaurs and earthquakes. I ask one of the girls who is the boy she likes, and she told me that he broke her heart. I told her that my heart just got broken too.
I get invited to the country ball. I feel so excited. I put on a black dress and arrive at the place by 10pm. There is a huge line outside, it reminds me the 15-year-old party's we used to go. Everyone is drinking from plastic bottles.
I know how to sing all the songs. The small wood saloon gets filled up with kids dancing. They look so happy. They hug each other in huge groups while jumping and singing to Bon Jovi. I feel happy too, and I understand for the first time that I don't belong there . That a photographer will never belong, and will always remain invisible. Nobody notice me, and I love that. I take photos of them dancing, kissing and drinking. I accept that I will always be an outsider, a stranger - for the first time that feels ok.
By the end of the party, two boys starts a fight outside. It's almost morning, and they try to punch each other beteween all the fog. I take a photo of it.
They all know each other since they were babies. I envy them a little bit; they are less aware of time then me. They think their relationships are infinite and nobody worries about growing up.
I want to photograph that as a part of my life that is missing - this state of being so present with life. To feel a connection with your friends, lovers and to your hometown that is so big you think it will never change.
I photograph this girl bedroom and on the white wall she wrote; you will never walk alone.
I take a long walk with Birta - one of the girls. We go for an ice cream and I go back to New York in the next day.
When I am at the airport I get a text message : I already miss you.
Maybe I wasn't that invisible.
I try to photograph their lives as if I was creating a memory from my own nostalgia. I feel crazy I no longer remember who I was.
One week after I left, when summer finally arrives, a beautiful boy kills himself.
It feels weird and I get so mad at him. I've never photographed him, but he was there. He was dancing in the country ball and probably singing to bon jovi with the other kids.
He will be a boy forever.
I don't understand what went wrong and I wish I could have taken his portrait. It would be a great photograph.